Fears and Tears

A year ago, I was not in a good place. My 50th birthday was quickly approaching. My feelings had nothing to do with entering a new decade or getting older. The closer my birthday got, the more my deep feeling of loneliness was exposed. It was a pain of being alone, of not belonging, of not being included, of being looked over. It touched my loss of family as we moved out of my home state over ten years ago. To a state where we didn’t know anyone, where we were alone.

Saying goodbye to my friends and family. Having my five year old cry in the car as we drove away from Denver, saying he will never see Grandma again. My heart broke. The holidays spent without grandparents, parents, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, cousins. All this was being played in my mind.

But the Lord knows the desires of our hearts and provides an abundance. When we step out in that leap of faith, as we did on our move to Minnesota. He is with us. He is working. That is what He did for me.

My husband was busy planning a surprise party for me. He arranged to have my dad, mom, sister and nephew travel to Minnesota. He also arranged for my son to come home for the weekend from college. On my 50th birthday, I was surprised by a houseful of family and friends. It was an overwhelming experience. The lie of being alone disappeared and I felt joy and love. It was a beautiful moment to treasure.

It was amazing to see the friends that God has provided over the years gathered at my house to celebrate my special day. It was perfect, and the gift that I desired deep in my heart.

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call Me, when you go to pray to Me, I will listen to you. When you look for Me, you will find Me. Yes, when you seek Me with all your heart, you will find Me with you, says the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11-14