Fears and Tears

I had my recurring nightmare this week, my “tornado” dream. I have had it for years and it randomly shows up, usually when I am stressed or feeling unsettled. The dream is always very vivid, the tornadoes are either swirling above me, in the distance or closing in on me. I am feeling fear in my dream and seeking shelter from the storm, while trying to protect others and lead them to the shelter. I wake up startled due to the intensity of the dream.

I had a terrifying dream as I lay in bed, and the images and the visions of my mind frightened me. Daniel 4:2

I remember when I first felt fear as a child. I was at my cousin’s house some distance away from my house. We were in the basement playing, and there were no windows down there, so I was unaware that a terrible storm was brewing outside. The storm was intensifying, so my Uncle decided to drive me home. I could feel the fear that he felt, and it scared me as he was an adult, and if he was scared, it must be bad. My aunt noticed my emotions, and she understood that I recognized that there was a danger with this storm. I got in my uncle’s truck and we had to drive through some flooded streets to get home, but he got me there safe and sound. After that experience, I started to carry some fear with me.

The fear of man brings a snare. Proverbs 29:25

As an adult, I have always had a great anxiety and fear when it comes to storms. Especially if there is a threat of a tornado. I did not understand this strong reaction to storms. If I was experiencing a bad storm, my body would react – my hands would shake, my heart would race, and my breathing would become labored. It scared me, because I did not understand it, and my family thought I was overreacting.

I would learn that as a young teenager, I experienced a major storm that produced an EF2 tornado firsthand. I have no memory of this storm. When I visiting my hometown, I met some friends from school for dinner. We were reminiscing about our school days, when a particular day in junior high became the topic. It was the end of the school day, and we were loaded in the bus to go home. The bus didn’t leave because a major storm was upon us. We stayed on the bus in the parking lot of the junior high while the storm passed. They described the storm in great detail – the sky turning a weird green color, the pounding rain and hail, the intense and fierce wind. All of which, I still have no memory of.

Their story finally brought me some comfort, as I now know why I have such a strong reaction to storms. It amazes me how the different storms in my life lead me to the majesty of God. He is always there, He is my shelter, even when I didn’t realize it. I can turn to Him in faith and trust because He covers me with His protection and keeps me on the path towards Him.

In their distress, they cried to the Lord, who brought them out of their peril, hushed the storm to a murmur, the waves of the sea were stilled, they rejoiced that the sea grew calm, the God brought them to the harbor they longed for. Psalm 107:28-30