Fears and Tears

The sun is rising this morning and bringing its light to illuminate the earth. It is calling me to a new day, a day filled with hope and peace as I begin my day. I feel rested in body and soul from the women’s conference I experienced this past weekend.

This is the fifth time for me to attend the Women in the New Evangelization (WINE) conference and I find myself preparing before it begins. The night before, I spend time before the Blessed Sacrament in the Adoration Chapel. There I open myself to God and pray for a good confession the next day. As I do an examination of conscience, the Lord in His loving kindness shows me things that are blocking and getting in the way, not allowing me to move towards Him, not allowing me to love Him fully and not allowing me to follow Him as I should.

Clothe yourselves with humility in your dealings with one another. So humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time. Cast all your worries upon Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:5-7

The next morning, the Lord continues to speak to me in the most unusual of places, the shower. Here, as I am enjoying the steamy warmth of the first shower of the day in my household of many, He shows me that what I offer Him is lukewarm or cold water, the leftovers and not the first fruits. I am reminded of the times when I am the last person to shower in my household and have only cold water to contend with. This is what I am doing to the Lord. What a powerful message!

Wondering what the day will bring, I leave to go pick up my three friends who will be joining me at the conference. We have about an hour-long drive and are blessed with wonderful, sisterly conversation and beautiful weather sometimes blinding us with sunshine. We arrive safely at our destination to see a beautiful church and are welcomed with open arms as we enter the doors.

The day starts with the gift of the Holy Mass celebrated by the Archbishop. The Catholic faith is rich and there is an awe in the air that feels as if the Holy Spirit breathes out and touches my heart. It is the Feast of the Chair of Saint Peter, the rock upon which the Lord built His Church. Jesus chose Peter and this Feast day commemorates this, from the first Pope to the current Holy Father.

The Mass ends, the praise and worship begins and we lift our voices to the Lord. As the music fills the air, I am drawn to the beautiful crucifix behind the altar, particularly to its depiction of our Lord on the cross with His upward gaze to His Father in Heaven. He pours Himself out completely surrendering everything to his Father. I feel that God was calling me to surrender to Him.

So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed Himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma. Ephesians 5:1-2

There is something mesmerizing about a large group of women together. The energy can truly be felt as they give their day to Him, their Lord. The women are where they are called to be, receiving what He wants to give them with their fellow sisters in Christ. The day continues with lovely music, inspiring talks, lunch, shopping, confession, prayer teams, Adoration and much immersion in sacred scripture. We are both present to the Lord and aware of His presence.

The theme this year is “Arise, your King is calling”. I feel this in my heart. He is calling me by name. He is gazing at me. He is holding His hand out to me. He is asking me to surrender my heart to His. Many times I am moved to tears because I feel the Holy Spirit speak to my heart with the language from above, and it was pure love. I am touched deeply within and He reminds me again of His invitation for me to surrender everything and of one area that I still hold back from Him due to fear. A mountain that I have to give to the Lord, a mountain that I can’t scale, a mountain that I can’t even approach alone. The Lord reaches out His hand to me, and says, “My daughter, bring the mountain to me. Face it head on. I will climb the mountain with you and provide all that you need. Come, my daughter, take my hand, you will overcome the mountain.”

I take the Lord’s hand and follow Him to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I am greeted with loving compassion as I pour out my heart. I now feel joy and peace and my entire being feels lighter. I immediately go to the prayer teams and experience even further healing taking place as they pray over me. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are present. They are speaking to me, pouring their love upon me, comforting me, letting me speak to them through tears and not words. In time, I am finally able to speak words out loud, to pray back, especially to my Father. It is an overwhelming and emotional experience. I feel that the water and salt of my tears has cleansed me and washed me anew. I feel grateful and spend time in the beautiful Adoration Chapel in silent thanksgiving before the gaze of the Lord.

He who conceals his sins prospers not, but he who confesses and forsakes them obtains mercy. Proverbs 28:13

The day comes to a conclusion with the Divine Mercy Chaplet in song, one of my favorite prayers. As I kneel there, I let the mercy of God wash over me. The drive home is wonderful as my sisters in Christ pray for a special intention of mine. This act of love makes me grateful for God blessing me with their friendship.

Arise, my beloved, my beautiful one, and come. Let me see you, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and you are lovely. Song of Songs 2:13-14 Sisters, let us arise, and heed the call of our King. God Bless.