Fears and Tears

When I was on vacation, I would take walks and the Lord spoke to me in what I was observing in that quiet time. My walks would take me through a new neighborhood where everything was in order and in its place. The flowers were beautiful, the yards were perfectly landscaped, a lovely park was in the center designed with a water feature for the kids to play in, while offering a space for parents where they could relax while taking in the pristine view of the mountains. The houses were painted with soothing colors, and had porches and patios that were welcoming and serene.

This was in stark contrast to what I noticed as I left this neighborhood, I was met with trash littered on the streets and sidewalks, broken glass, sirens speeding by, graffiti on the bridge, and articles of clothing strewn around. The Lord spoke to my heart, letting me know that I had let my house get out of order, that I had to return to Him. He was speaking to my body and soul, that I was steeped in chaos and confusion.

I was not sleeping well, I was not eating well, my anxiety had returned and my prayer life had plummeted. I was doing the minimum in my spiritual life and I was lost. I was not able to pray properly and felt weighed down. Looking back, I could see the events from the springtime that had pierced my heart and I had a difficult time coping with them and it sent me into a downward spiral.

I had a desire to get my house in order and return to the Lord. He brought me back in His gentle and peaceful way. I prayed for wisdom and He answered me.

I will look after them for their good and bring them back to this land, to build them up, not to tear them down; to plant them, not to pluck them out. I will give them a heart to understand that I am the Lord, for they shall turn to Me with their whole heart. Jer 24:6-8

The Lord said, “My daughter, seek reconciliation, return to Me, I pour out my mercy on you. Pray and you will understand, let go of distractions and seek a quiet place, turn to scripture and reflect on the words. Come back to your morning prayer time, it sets your day in proper order, offer up your sufferings, I know my daughter, bring them to Me and I will heal your heart. Forgive those that hurt you, let it go right away, give it to Me, seek the truth, speak when necessary, that way it is dealt with. I lead to peace and tranquility, face your fears, that way it is conquered. Go in peace my daughter, go in peace. “

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, patience, gentleness, bearing with one another, if one has a grievance against another, as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Col 3:12-15

I returned to the Sacrament of Reconciliation this week, and it was a beautiful experience. As I knelt under the Divine Mercy Image and felt the tears flow, I spoke from my heart, I felt the love of God come over me and He brought me back to Him. I could feel His gentle way, His mercy and His love. The Lord called and I returned to Him.

Merciful and gracious is the Lord, slow to anger, abounding in kindness. Psalm 103:8