Fears and Tears

My very self you know, my bones are not hidden from you. When I was being made in secret, fashioned in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw me unformed. Psalm 139:14-16

God is my artist and His brushstroke is His pure love with which He called me forth. Even before time began, He knew me.

I feel so small in the vast universe, but there is something deep inside of me that understands; I am loved, I am cared for, and I am His daughter.

It is difficult for me to let someone love me completely. I feel unworthy of love, that I am not good enough to be loved. It is a feeling of not belonging or fitting in, that I am unlovable. I am not sure where these feelings came from, but I know they are not from the Lord. The Lord has shown me how much I matter and from the beginning I was a part of His plan.

There is a deep hurt within me that has allowed this lie of being unlovable to take root in me. God has been my gentle gardener, and has been weeding out what is not of Him. He has watered me with fresh spring water which has allowed me to grow in His love. He has illuminated me with abundant sunshine and He has touched me to the core.

The Lord has shown me, that like Michelangelo, who brought forth David from a slab of marble, in all the intricacies and detail, He is doing the same in my life. The Lord sees me in great detail and loves me. Period. The way I am. He just loves me.

I sit with the Lord today and allow Him in, and the silence overcomes me and I feel a great peace. His gaze fills me with love and I offer my love back to Him, my Creator, my God, and my Lord. God is the artist of my life.

God looked at everything He had made, and He found it very good. Genesis 1:31