Fears and Tears

The invitation arrived last week, an invitation from the Archdiocese for the Ordination of ten men to the Sacred Order of Diaconate. Along with the invitation, there was a picture of the men with their wives. Looking at their faces, it brought me back to my journey as a Deacon’s wife.

The call from God is for both husband and wife. Without a wife’s “yes” to the Bishop, there will not be a moving forward and the journey towards the Diaconate is over. Our free will always cooperates with God because He is loving and kind and respects our decision as does the Church. I gave my yes and my husband was ordained in December about four years ago.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of Him, and He will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

I am sure that God was planting the seeds long ago when I first met the man I was to marry in my 20’s, along with much intercessory prayer.  I was away from the Church.  When we were preparing for our marriage I felt a beautiful pulling toward God and the sacraments.  That feeling continued when we were having children and having them baptized as well as enrolled in religious education.  When I was pregnant with our third son, I went through the RCIA program at our local Parish. It was a wonderful blessing in my life. The night I was being confirmed in the Church, I particularly remember when the litany of saints was sung, it was as if heaven was opened up and I could feel the love from above.  

Life continued on, and I began having a pulling to move to a different state.  My husband was in jeopardy of losing his job unless we moved to the corporate office, and I encouraged him to relocate.  It was a hard decision, as we had to leave all our family behind.   It meant having our kids grow up without family close by, very different than how I grew up.  It was a huge leap of faith where we relied and trusted in God.

We made that move thirteen years ago.  There were many graces that God put in my path.  I found Relevant Radio, which made a great impact on me, along with learning about the Divine Mercy devotion and Saint Faustina.  We struggled to find a fit and attended a couple different churches in our area.  I believe that was in God’s plan also, as we met a Deacon couple who invited us to a bible study.  That was when my husband started feeling his calling.  During the bible study, I came to receive a St. Lawrence medal, and the Deacon said, you know that is a Deacon medal.  Yes, I know, I said and felt that God was giving me signs. 

Yet again, I felt that pulling of God towards our local Parish and as a family we decided to start attending Mass there.  It was the time when Adoration was starting and the signup for a women’s retreat was happening for the first time at the Parish. I signed up and attended the retreat.  It was during this retreat, I felt the call for my husband to be a Deacon. 

The journey of the Diaconate has been a beautiful experience. It is a rich, beautiful program.  I have learned many things about myself, it has strengthened our marriage and it has given me the opportunity to trust in God more fully.  There have been struggles and spiritual attacks during the journey.  Some of which have been really difficult to make it through as I struggle with anxiety and fear.  However, the prayers we received during the formation process were very instrumental in our journey.

My husband received his Parish assignment shortly before Ordination, as the Archdiocese does not assign you to your local church. It was a church we had never set foot in. Upon visiting, I was transported back to the Church we were married in. It was of the same year, the same style, and as I sat in the pew and closed my eyes, I felt peace and comfort. We also learned that the Parish priest shares his ordination date with our marriage date.

When we were first starting the process, the formation director said we were giving our permission for our husband to marry another woman – the Church.  I gave my yes, my fiat, because God has shown me though the struggles and all the sacrifices over the years, He gives an abundance back.  Yes, the ordination felt like a marriage, a beautiful and lovely continuation of our lives together with the Church.

As a bridegroom rejoices in his bride, so shall your God rejoice in you. Isaiah 62:5