Fears and Tears

My daughter and husband went on retreat last weekend. She is preparing for her spring Confirmation. My husband attended as a Deacon, a father, and a chaperone to serve where he was needed.

I was left behind for the weekend. As I waved the bus away and watched everyone leave, I was struck with a deep sadness and loneliness and cried all the way home.

When I cried out, you answered me, you strengthened my spirit. Psalm 138:3

The house was quiet when I returned home. My other kids decided to stay at their friend’s house overnight, so for the first time in a long time, I had the entire house to myself. That night, I was restless and awoke several times.

The next morning, I went to church for morning Mass and my Women’s small group study. The Holy Spirit brought meaningful conversation and discussion to our group and I left with a sense of happiness and joy.

As iron sharpens iron, so man sharpens his fellow man. Proverbs 27:17

Later that evening, I decided to go to a neighboring Parish for Mass. It happened to be the feast of their patron saint – Saint Albert. Father’s homily described the life of Saint Albert, specifically about his teachings on truth. At the end of Mass, the congregation received a special blessing with the relic of Saint Albert. I was blessed to have had a grandfather with the name of Albert, who modeled this spirit of truth to me in the way he lived his life.

You have approached Mount Zion and the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and countless angels in festal gathering and the assemblies of the firstborn enrolled in heaven, and God the judge of all, and the spirits of the just made perfect. Hebrews 12:22-23

I returned home that evening with plans to watch a movie. I settled on one of my favorites, “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen. Every time I watch this movie, I am struck with the depth of the characters, the breathtaking scenery, the beautiful clothing, the delightful music contrasted with the struggles of the time. The worries of the present, upholding to your heart and your eyes finally being open to the truth. What a beautiful story that speaks of life then but is applicable today.

Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep in doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9

I felt refreshed after my quiet weekend, my grateful heart was filled with joy. It was as if I attended my own personal retreat with the Lord, and He provided for all my needs.