Fears and Tears

This past weekend was Divine Mercy Sunday, the second Sunday after Easter instituted by Pope John Paul II. Divine Mercy is one of my favorite feast days and every year its beauty of mercy and love speak to my heart in a great way.

What a different year it is, as public Masses and services are suspended and are privately celebrated with just a handful of people being able to be present at the Church. I was asked to participate at the taping of our Church’s Divine Mercy Service; to carry the image of our Lord at the beginning of the service and place it on the side of the altar. I was humbled by this invitation, and it touched me to the very core of my heart. I carried my family and friends in my heart as I carried the image up the aisle and placed it gently by the altar, every step I took, I thought of you.

Patience, prayer and silence, these are what gives strength to the soul. St. Faustina

During the singing of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, I was overcome by tears and my mind was filled with people to pray for and lift up to God for His mercy to be poured out, for peace to be felt, and for healing to take place. I noticed all the white around the Church, and the Easter lilies under the Crucifix spoke to me in a most powerful way. It was as if I had a vision of Calvary and the ground underneath the cross being transformed. The Lord has turned the foot of the cross into a beautiful place where white lilies are; we are His flowers washed clean with His precious blood. They give out a most lovely fragrance, gone is the stench of sin, and their sweet aroma is lifted up to Heaven.

The white fabric draped around the Church reminded me of flowing water, pure white as if coming down a river. The sound of the harp was like gentle rainfall, which brought peace to my heart. I was reminded of the dove I heard cooing earlier that morning, which was perched on top of my roof at home.

The tabernacle area had light coming in and reminded me of a garden with a cascading waterfall, a place for living water that gives life, the spring that wells up and it is offered to me, to drink and not be thirsty, to stay close to the Lord, to accept His gift of love, to be washed clean by His mercy, to unite myself with Him, my God and my Lord.

To see Him in the darkness of the image, the brilliant light that radiates from Him, the red and white rays of blood and water poured out from His heart, which conquers death and brings life to all. I am one of the lilies standing at the foot of the cross. He has transformed me, He has shown me old unforgiveness in my heart, so I can forgive now; He has shown me old hurts, so I can be healed of them; my tears pouring out, the water and salt has released the pain and set me free, washed the heaviness away and renewed my heart. He knows every tear and He holds them close to His heart, because He loves me.

O Blood and water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us, I trust in You. Diary of St. Faustina Notebook 1, 187

He tells me, “My daughter, you are being submerged in the deep water, I am with you holding your hand, and your guardian angel is holding your other hand, while you are under the water, you are going further into the deep, closer to me, all the while we hold onto you so you are never alone on this journey, we hold onto you. You surrender to us, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, as we lead you. We reveal what is hidden in your heart, so you can be free. Come my daughter, into the water, we make you new in our mercy. Pour yourself out to be filled. Our mercy is inexhaustible.”

The Lord brought me from the depth of the water to the surface, where I can breathe, guiding me to life and fresh air. To breathe in the pure and clean air, to fill my lungs with life, with hope, with mercy and with love.

Here is my heart Lord, I give it to you, I surrender and place it before you, my Lord and my God. I give you my calm and relaxed heart that rests in you. The beats of my heart are like the gentle waves of the ocean that flow out to sea and back to the land in a quiet and peaceful way. The waters are calm and soothing and the sand is smooth and even. Lord, I trust in You.

Those who sincerely say, “Jesus I trust in You” will find comfort in all their anxieties and fears. St. John Paul II