Fears and Tears

On my recent trip to Colorado, I planned a day trip in the mountains to celebrate my husband’s birthday. I planned a surprise activity for him – a mountain hike to St. Mary’s Glacier and it was a beautiful start to our day.

I chose a place that we had never been to before, I did some research, and the hike was listed as “moderate”. We arrived at our destination after a lovely drive up some beautiful and steep mountain switchbacks and parked at the lot which was quite full.

We proceeded to go to the beginning of the trail head walking up the road from the parking lot and I was already winded. I found myself feeling the 20 pounds I had put on since the quarantine began plus the affects of the high altitude and I was winded and my legs were already feeling the climb. I begin to doubt if I could make it to the lake or the glacier.

The rocky path reminded me of a climb I did nine years ago as I started up the trail. I found myself stopping a lot to rest and keeping my water bottle close. I could feel the burn in my lungs as I climbed higher up the mountain path. Looking back was the view of the gorgeous mountains and I gained the strength to keep going one step at a time.

As I would take a moment to stop and catch my breath, and take a sip of my water, I would see a hiker coming down who would give me an encouraging word. It was what I needed to keep going. It was comforting to see people enjoying the great outdoors with their friends and family oftentimes with their dog bounding up the trail and it brought a smile to my face.

I had to put aside the negative thoughts that would enter my mind- that I couldn’t do this, that I wasn’t strong enough urging me to give up. I put my focus on reaching the lake and continued up the path.

I would feel the crisp mountain air on my face and the breeze blowing my hair around and it would refresh me and I continued until we reached the crystal clear lake. The water was a beautiful color of blue and I sat by the bank taking in the amazing views all around me. I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time, a strength deep within me to persevere and to push myself past my limits.

It was very windy by the lake and the air off the glacier felt like air conditioning. It was as if I felt the cool breath of God on my face and I felt a renewal in my spirit. My husband wanted to continue up to the glacier and I found that I could push myself further than I thought possible, that I could make it up to the glacier.

We continued our hike upwards and was greeted by an area of a clear mountain stream and bridge along with beautiful flowers and bushes that were unexpected. I was especially drawn to the purple flowers and found myself giving thanks to God for the special gift as he knows my heart so well.

The white snow of the glacier did not disappoint and I sat by it. The glacier stretched up the mountain and was a beautiful site to take in. It was to be experienced, body and soul; suddenly a gust of wind picked up which caused white waves in the lake below. The mountain view from that vantage point was majestic and surreal and I felt so much peace and joy.

The air smelled fresh with hints of dry pine needles, the clear blue sky danced with white puffy clouds and the sunlight warmed me and I was ready for the decent down the mountain. It was tricky at first; the dry, rocky soil was quite slippery and we had to hold hands for a bit down the trail. I found that it is ok to take a hand when offered and concentrate on one step at a time. This time my legs were burning instead of my lungs and it was a good feeling.

Hiking down the trail, I noticed things I hadn’t before wondering how I could have missed it on the way up. Reaching the bottom of the trail was nothing short of incredible and I was filled with the strength and courage to persevere when I felt like giving up, to never stop trying and to choose life on a daily basis; to live and experience it to the fullest pushing myself forward one step at a time. To know that God is watching over me, that I am protected, and most of all – that I am loved.

Bless the Lord, my soul; all my being, bless his Holy Name. Do not forget all the gifts of God. God surrounds you with love and compassion and fills your days with good things; your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. As the heavens tower over the earth, so God’s love towers over the faithful. Psalm 103