Fears and Tears

For the first time in awhile I felt happy. It was a feeling deep inside of a joy that spilled out that lingered for awhile. I couldn’t hold onto it and it was gone. This happened a couple of times and I was grateful to feel this happiness instead of the sadness of grief with my dad’s recent passing.

Before this happened, I had an evening alone at home where I could freely cry. To sit with my emotions and let them be felt. To let the feelings come to the surface and come out, to acknowledge that grief is painful and it is ok to feel that way.

I didn’t expect to have other areas brought to the surface that I also cried through. I was faced with older memories, not just of my dad, but areas that I still carried that were painful. It was great to have those memories washed away and I felt better.

It seems that happiness comes and goes but joy lingers. It is a gift from God, an outpouring of love from Him. I continue to desire and pray for this grace from God, to love as I am able and to have the joy within that spills out.

That is where the peace is found. It runs deeper than happiness, it is pure and true, it is love.

So faith, hope, and love remain, these three, but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13