Fears and Tears

Last weekend was the Solemnity of Divine Mercy, which always falls on the Sunday after Easter. It is one of my favorite celebrations of the Church and the beautiful prayers, especially the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, always brings me to tears when it is sung. This year I was especially looking forward to this day because I have been struggling emotionally for some time.

I had an opportunity to attend a Healing Service on the Friday evening before Divine Mercy Sunday which I am so grateful for.

I have been having frequent feelings of anxiety and I have not been at peace. I wasn’t sleeping well and a feeling of restlessness has overcome me. I have felt that there is something deep within my heart that is affecting me, but I could not put my finger on it.

It has something to do with my struggle to love and to be loved. It is difficult for me to show love to others and to receive love. It is like there is a block in my heart that prevents me from opening up and I don’t know why.

The Healing Service was beautiful with a time for confession, mass, adoration, and prayer.

During a time of prayer, the Lord revealed to me that I have not given Him my whole heart, there is a part that I have locked away from Him. There is deep pain there that my subconscious is aware of, but I am unable to see or understand it. The Lord desires to bring His healing light to that area. He asks permission from Me to enter there.

I know that I am not alone in my suffering, and that the Lord is close to me. He who has suffered for me, wants to embrace my place of pain with His love and mercy.

Lord, I give You permission to go to that hidden place in my heart, I surrender all to You. I don’t understand Lord, but You do. I trust in You.

God knows my heart and holds me in a gentle and tender way, and I rest in His arms. He lovingly strokes my hair, and my heart feels His love. I fall to the ground and weep.

I feel dizzy, and slowly get up. My body feels lighter and a joy fills me. I am grateful to God for His tender embrace and His great love and mercy.

O my Lord, inflame my heart with love for You, that my spirit will not grow weary amidst the storms, the sufferings, and the trials. St. Faustina